Honeysuckles in Summer
My bare feet maneuver through the backyard over and across rocks, dried leaves, sticks
I avoid the hills of red ants - barely
I am running hardly noticing my surroundings
My shirt snags on the chain link fence but I don’t let that stop me
Time slows as I see my final destination come into view
I halt before the honeysuckle bush - my breathing starting to slow
The flowers themselves are beautiful, unique
Delicate strands of white and wisps of yellow
I close my eyes and breathe in the calming sweet scent
It overpowers my senses - I feel peace
It means it’s summer and the flowers know it
It also means I’m at the little brick house
I go inside to sit at the small kitchen table which is actually a booth
My aunt asks if I washed my hands, I reply “yes, ma’am” like I am supposed to do
My favorite spot is by the window where, with the right breeze, you can get a small whiff of the honeysuckles
I tell my aunt how much I love those flowers
She stares at me knowingly and says you know, honeysuckle smells a lot like jasmine
I know, but I nod encouragingly urging her to go on
Your grandfather’s favorite flower is the sampaguita it’s a kind of jasmine in the Philippines
I know
But I let her tell me again
It’s a nice moment in a sea of tumult
I never feel safe in that house - emotions are unpredictable and there is always an air of tension
I’m supposed to feel safe
It’s family
The moment passes quickly
The yelling begins and I can tell this is one of the days my cousin is going to yell back instead of taking it on the chin
I daydream about my grandfather smelling the same smell in the Philippines
I’m supposed to feel safe
It’s summer time
No one notices as I slide under the table
No one notices as the back door creaks open
No one notices as I break free from the little brick house
When my mom comes to pick me up she knows where to find me
I am laying on the ground beneath the bushes - low enough that I am out of sight from that kitchen window
I hear her breathe deeply and I feel safe